Credit: ESA Hubble Magnetic monster NGC 1275
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Good evening and welcome to The Thought Ether, your
24-Hour News Infusion Channel, the world’s only official source of news and information.
We are the trusted information and censorship wing of the United Global Collective (UGC), the world’s supreme governing body dedicated to bringing peace and democracy to citizens around the globe through compliance and conformity.
I’m your host and lead UGC Information Specialist, Brian Anderson, reporting from Sector UGC-G1A, the Collective’s newly acquired territory formally known as Nuuk in the island nation of Greenland.
Remember to scan your hand on the screen to verify your attendance. Violators will be subject to a two-hour retraining session at your local DTO—Defiance Training Outpost.
In today’s Information Infusion Session, I will be discussing a range of topics carefully selected by UGC’s Tier One Policy Committee under the direction of our supreme leader, Klaus Von Häagen-Dazs.
Let us begin:
Renaming Legacy Waterways
Talks to rename the large bodies of water currently referred to as the South China Sea, the Indian Ocean, and the Black Sea have been ongoing and soon to be finalized. The overwhelming consensus is in favor of more globally applicable names such as UGC-Oceania-3, UGC-Oceania-4, and UGC-Oceania-5 respectively which conform with UGC-Oceania-1 and UGC-Oceania-2, previously referred to as the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.
The renaming of these bodies of water have been long overdue.
UGC’s 2030 A Camera in Every Bedroom Initiative
Many anxious global citizens have inquired about the completion of the camera rollout, and all I can say is, please be patient—the Tier One Committee is working on it.
More news will follow in our next Infusion Session.
UGC’s Food Rationing Program
Let me remind you that identified global citizens with a UGC Credit Score that falls below 65 percent will be subject to limited food supplies and six months of CCT—Cognitive Compliance Training.
As mandated by the UGC Tier One Compliance Committee, training camps are uniformly segregated by race, gender, and intelligence.
The 2030 Updated Travel Requirements
UGC passports for local, state, and international travel are only available for global citizens who have maintained a UGC Credit Score of 85 percent or above for a period of six months or longer. There are no exceptions.
Mandatory UGC Identification Implants
The new mandatory UGC-issued identification implants are now available. Your choice of UGC ID implants for neck, forearm, and wrist are available at all local UGC Medical Coordination Centers.
Global citizens around the world spoke. The UGC listened.
Unlike the present ID implants, the new implants do not require reinsertion with every update and can be conveniently updated and reprogrammed remotely via the UGC Seventh Generation Wireless Network.
Restrictions on Non-UGC Designated Pregnancies
Violating UGC pregnancy policies will result in surgical termination of all non-UCG designated pregnancies and sterilization. In addition, policy violators—both men and women—will be subject to fines and banned from having sexual relationships. Appeals will be considered after a period of no less than three years.
Assisted Suicide for Ages 12 and Above
This was a hot topic in our last Information Infusion Session.
Let me remind our global citizens that assisted suicides do not require parental consent. You are free to walk into any number of UGCs around-the-clock Termination Clinics where a UGC Termination Specialist will gladly assist you—no questions asked.
Prearranged group termination sessions are available.
Termination Assessments for Seniors
The UGC’s Tier One Committee is sensitive to the needs and concerns of older citizens and understands their difficulty when trying to determine when it’s time to go.
Beginning this month, UGC Medical Coordination Centers are offering termination assessments for seniors sixty years of age and older. All assessments are confidential and free of charge.
The 2030 UGC Compliance and Conformity Award
The waiting is over! The winners of the 2030 UGC Compliance and Conformity Award has been announced. This year’s winners are the Covid-Cautious Bowling Group out of Sector UGC-P14-K, once referred to as Portland, Oregon.
Some of our global citizens may recall this outstanding group of compliant citizens who were the winners of the UGC Compliance and Conformity Award back in 2025 when—in the face of overwhelming evidence detailing the dangers of obstructing mouth and nasal passages and breathing in cloth and synthetic mask fibers along with exhaled carbon dioxide—these brave and heroic individuals continued to wear face coverings and follow social distancing rules.
A hardy congratulations from all of us here at The Thought Ether.
► ► ►PLEASE STAND BY FOR BREAKING NEWS! ◄ ◄ ◄
This just in:
All global citizens are advised to be on the lookout for the man whose likeness is posted on your screen. His views are disruptive and dangerous, and he poses a severe threat to the good citizens of the United Global Collective.
He can be seen wearing a green MOFA cap.
If you see this individual, immediately report him to your local STP—Sector Thought Police.
Reporting from Sector UGC-G1A, this is your host,
Brian Anderson, bidding you a pleasant evening.
Good night and good luck.